ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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