Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
