Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
