3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My bed smells like the plague
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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