I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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