i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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