Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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