i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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