Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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