You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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