at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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