I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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