youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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