note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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