Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
