can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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