I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
