He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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