well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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