You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
