What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
