Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize