Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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