Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
