Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
