What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
