she was so not down for the gang bang
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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