So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize