Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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