dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
