we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize