Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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