Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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