you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
