i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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