Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
