Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
