Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
