also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
