I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize