we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
