Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You're earring is so big in my mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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