I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
