Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
