Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Non-Jews are for practice
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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