I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
