My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
