I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
