This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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