He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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