he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
