Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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