great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
