I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wear drunk well.
Randomize