I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
