I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
