I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cannot find my penis.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize