my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm too high and old for this...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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