Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
