I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
