so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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