She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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