yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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