ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
