Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am spending my child support on dildos
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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