i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
