umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
pray to the hookup gods
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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