don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
