i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
