I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
