When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just gargled with NyQuil
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
