Only a mothe r could love this liver
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
