It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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