mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
