I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
