carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
