he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
