toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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