he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
