Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
