tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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