yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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