that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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