I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
