I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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